Catch Them Being Good!

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2025! I'm kicking off the year with another tip! I know it's a little early in our relationship but I think we know each other well enough for me to let you in on one of my secret weapons in therapy. Is that okay? Yes? Fantastic!

In my years of working with children I have learnt that children want nothing more than to make their parents and caregivers happy. Yes, there are moments when they are outright mischievous. Yes, they may frustrate us at times, but for the most part they want to do well and to make us proud.

As adults, we do a great job at highlighting the moments when things go off track. "No.", "Don't do that!", and "Stop!" come to us as naturally as breathing. I wan't you to put yourself in your child's shoes for a moment. How would you feel if your day was an unending chorus of "no?" Not very good.

Now, try to remember what it was like for you growing up. Can you remember a time when you were constantly getting in trouble for something? Maybe you were always getting called out for talking in class. Was there ever a time when you made a conscious effort to do better? Perhaps you tried to be quiet and focus on what the teacher was saying. Did anyone notice? No? I bet they noticed as soon as you slipped up! You probably vowed never to try again after that.

Well, that experience is similar to what your child goes through daily. Worry not, we're going to change that from this day forward. My challenge for you is to catch your child being good just as often as you catch them being bad. Even if you had to give them assistance to complete the task, still sing them praises. I also want you to label the specific behaviour that you saw them do. Doing this lets your child know exactly what they did well so they can do it again in the future. Did they put their juice box in the bin? "Good job, Ackeem! I saw you put your empty box in the bin!"

This technique is called positive reinforcement which means you offered a reward after noticing a desired behaviour to encourage more of that behaviour in the future. When we hear "reward" we often think we have to go out and buy something but a reward can be as simple as praise, a high five or even a hug.

Stay tuned, in my next post I'll teach you how to use positive reinforcement to help teach your child new skills!